“‘Tis the season to be cuffed!”  Well, at least that is the narrative for our culture during this time of the year. It’s a social trend, due to the weather patterns of the fall and winter, for people to be less likely to go out and meet new people. So there is an intentional push to meet that special someone to spend intimate time with or be cuffed to. Almost everyone wants someone to hold on to and have to make them feel special during the holiday season. Everyone wants a “boo” to share their time and affection with. Trust me, I get it! However, the worse thing to do is to be in a relationship with someone who is still an orphan.

If you want to be a bad experiment and end up severely heartbroken, move right along. However, by wisdom, I am telling you (if you are choosing to use this holiday season to find a boo) do not give your heart to an orphan.

Mother & Father Wounds

We all have dated or known someone that dated a guy with an absent or abusive parent or seen the girl dating through her daddy issues. The relationship is never about the two people there. It is always an attempt to compensate for their unaddressed pain and trauma. There is an unspoken need for the partner to become everything the parents weren’t. You get the brunt of all they were taught and were never taught. The relationship is often emotionally unhealthy and the people become toxic for one another. Abuse of some kind normally presents itself. It’s just a flaming hot mess.

Dating An Orphaned Heart

Now, as sons of God, we are entertaining people to see if they are compatible with who we are and who we are designed to become. An orphaned heart exponentially increases the difficulty of that kind of relationship. God can heal a person’s mother and father wounds and deliver them from the dysfunction of their upbringing. However, if they are still an orphan in the spirit–if they are not fathered by God, you will find a level of insecurity that cannot be cured. There will always be a demand on you to help validate them and who they are. No amount of celebration and attention will be enough. In some cases, this is how cheating comes about. The need for consistent attention and excessive ego-boosting comes from an orphaned heart. Orphan hearts never feel secure enough to commit because of the fear of failure and being completely vulnerable.

Everything in the relationship will be based on a feeling and impulse because they are searching for significance. Truth is, you may be a selection of impulse. There is no settled decision making in the orphaned heart. Every action will be to seek attention and approval of some kind but none of it will ever be enough.  In other cases, they will want to pattern the relationship you have after other people’s for superficial reasons.

Most, importantly, an orphaned heart will not know how to deal with your security and firm fitting in the adoption of God. Because they are not securely fit, they will try to disrupt your security by asking you to compromise or make you feel bad for your closeness to God.

Just Don’t Do It

It doesn’t matter how good they look. It doesn’t matter how good they smell. It does matter what physique or shape they have. It doesn’t matter how great you look together. Do not bend on this one.

If you consider yourself a son of God, but feel a check about some of these behaviors  showing up in your own personality–ask the Holy Spirit to help identify where you have not fully yielded to the Spirit of Adoption. 

Before we explore the depths of affection in a relationship, it is imperative to allow the Spirit of Adoption to come and deliver us from an orphan heart. We can approach love with sobriety and security. #RevealingSons